Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
