Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
