so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize