i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
