; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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