is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
