why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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