I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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