I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
