I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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