Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
