i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
