You just made me feel so damn special
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
