Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Randomize
