Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
