i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
