So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
