It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
