The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
