Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
