I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
