new low.... made out with someone while peeing
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
