Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
