Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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