i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
