I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
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