We named our party play list daddy issues
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
