There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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