guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
