living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
