apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Randomize
