I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
