yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
