Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
