If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
