i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
