So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
