My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
