i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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