She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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