We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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