Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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