Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
