I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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