You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
