well I can't set my house on fire every night
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
