Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
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