I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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