oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
