who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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