I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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