so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
