so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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