I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
