You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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