i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
