i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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