I wish I could punch you in the face.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
