he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
