dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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