So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Randomize
