you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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