I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Randomize
