we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm too high and old for this...
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize