If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
