At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize