Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
