I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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