I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize